The Pretty Spectrum

So we’ve had a few weeks to recover from the hurricane like winds of the phenomena that is YONCE.  And since dropping her album sans promotion or any marketing, women around the world have been using Beyoncé’s lyrics as mantras of self empowerment, love and confidence.  I can only give her the applause she is due.  The girl got us feeling ourselves.  I’m inspired to write the following because what I have experienced being a confident woman and the backlash there is when you are confident and you happen to not look like Beyoncé. 

The idea that self acceptance for someone that looks like me (big and black)  is still relatively shocking to others.  This still gets my panties in a twist.  Like why can’t I just be this way with out any explanation? I do understand why it happens (look at history) but that doesn’t mean that I think it’s right. Centuries of defining what acceptable beauty is has corrupted the confidence and comeliness of the large majority of women that don’t look like Jessica Alba, Dorothy Dandridge, Grace Kelly or Halle Berry.  Some of us may look more like Mindy Kaling, Grace Jones, Lena Dunham or Gabourey Sidibe.  But regardless of how we may look no one should be able to decide where we measure up on the pretty scale because being pretty, beautiful, flawless or whatever you want to call it —  to me isn’t one thing — it’s more of a spectrum. Every woman is deserving of the title and we should own it more instead of self shaming ourselves.

I used to do it all the time.  Every time someone would say I looked nice or that I was beautiful I would immediately downplay their words of admiration by quickly shaming my self by responding “It’s the makeup.” or “I’m wearing spanx.”  You’ve probably done this yourself.  I started to think of how frequent and how frightfully easy it was for me to hate on myself when I received a compliment.  It has become so normal for us to doubt ourselves and our own individual beauty that we succumb to watering down compliments in order …  for what? … to save face all the while breeding insecurity…because it so much better to seem small and insignificant than to own our beauty than risk being mistaken for being a conceited, cocky diva.   I’m not going to apologize for thinking that I’m kind of awesome.  You shouldn’t either.  I think we have been conditioned for so long to attribute that self demeaning behavior as a way to show that we are humble and modest when it only chips away at our confidence and self worth.   I reclaim my pretty by wearing what I want to wear and I do it when I post that selfie on Instagram because you know what?!  — I looked great that day — spanx and all!  Most importantly I have learned to just take the compliment minus the self inflicted jabs.  Flawless.  In this skin and this body. If you don’t agree, it’s okay but it’s also a personal problem and like Queen Bey says ‘it’s the soul that needs the surgery.”  Continuing to work on the self that others cannot initially see will allow the pretty you are on the inside make it’s way to your exterior whether you’re wearing sweats or a ballgown.  True beauty always has a way of shining through…

Fur Coat ::: Simply Be Earrings ::: Vintage via Vans & Stoves Ring ::: Torrid Bracelet/Sunnies/Dress/Belt ::: ASOS Necklace/Clutch ::: Charming Charlie Shoes ::: Victoria’s Secret

Photo Credit ::: Liz Golden of J’adore Studios

Stay Lovely!